Empathy – still a reviled skill?


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Empathy

Do you speak English, German, French, Spanish another language?

How about Empathy? Do you speak this language too?

Empathy belongs to the skills you need,
and I might add the power of connecting, too.

Wanna know more? Then watch the short video.
I guess this might explain more than 1000 words.

Forgot already? Well, you then just read on.

Invisible Power

Empathy is something you cannot see.
You cannot draw it. But you can try to describe it.
Nowadays I’d say that empathy is an art.
An art of understanding on a completely different level.
Far away from superficiality.

One of the last conversation I had with one of my latest acquaintances
I felt like he was the most clever person on earth.
(No Empathy and Connection)

The very last conversation I had I felt like
I was the most clever person on earth.

Some brainy quotes about empathy

Empathy is about standing in someone else’s shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place. Daniel H. Pink

It’s got to do with putting yourself in other people’s shoes and seeing how far you can come to truly understand them. I like the empathy that comes from acting. Christian Bale

Some Definitions of Empathy


empathy n. the power of entering into another’s personality and imaginatively experiencing his experiences.

Chambers English Dictionary, 1989 edition


“[Empathy is] awareness of others’ feelings, needs and concerns.

Daniel Goleman, in Working with Emotional Intelligence


” I call him religious who understands the suffering of others.

Mahatma Gandhi


“Empathy is intuitive, but is also something you can work on, intellectually.

Tim Minchin

Find more at: https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/empathy.html#ixzz4Pdigmj00

Charisma

There is another component which we call charisma that is important as well.
Which contains elements like presence, charm, a special type of kindness and more.
Those people have definitely an aura around them you can sense.
And you feel that warmth that they’re radiating.
And definitely, they’ve mastered the art of connection and empathy.
You feel heard, understood and not rejected when you talk to them.
The lend you an ear.
And people are drawn to them.
If you can’t spot the subtle nuance principles at work it might appear like magic to you.
They will show you genuine interest as well.
And you feel like you’ve might have been friends for a long time.

Charisma is originally a Greek word which means “favor freely given” or “gift of grace”.

Many people deny or reject empathy or the power of connection.
Especially it is something for them you cannot feel.
You can only spot it when you see the other person.
They only pay attention to the subtle things.

They claim if they can’t see the other people and hear her at the same time,
that empathy is useless.

In my opinion, empathy is even the big brother of a deep connection.
Which means you relate everything not only to the person but include also time, environment
and more subtle nuances.

For example putting yourself into another person’s shoes will give you a much better understanding of the feelings
another person might experience.

Wikipedia states as well for example:

“ability to put oneself in the shoes of another person and experience events and emotions the way that person experienced them” (if you didn’t watch the video above, now might be a good time)

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Deep Emotional Connection

A deep emotional connection is another thing mainly rejected by main.
And it is also a part of empathic skills.

At least if talked about consciously.

What people might say

  • They hate it.
  • They don’t need it.
  • They think it’s a strange thing.
  • They think it’s useless.
  • They think it makes them appear weird.
  • They think it’s not their thing.
  • They think it’s very difficult.
  • They think it takes too long.

Talking from experience by teaching this to many men I can tell that this is just the surface.
Mainly they tell this because of they:

Some of the real reasons, WHY they say the things above

  • Fear to be judged
  • They want to take shortcuts
  • They don’t want to invest in it because they don’t see it as a valuable asset
  • They don’t want to feel embarrassed
  • They don’t want to risk something
  • They reject it without even trying.

Frankly, it barely happens that a guy just admits that he lacks this skill and wants to learn it.
And every time after that they were blown away by the reactions they got.

It even starts with my blog here.
Yes, I talk about my thinks here. Me me me – I I I. Where are you?

Just imagine you write a blog comment to another blogger, and your goal is to make your website more known.
There’s nothing wrong with that. Completely fine.
Things start differing when you write your comments.

Do you write it like this:

Thanks for your awesome tip.
If you want to buy some garden furniture go here: <LINK>

Or do you write it like this:

Thanks for your awesome tip which really helped me to solve my problem.
Because when I logged in using my domain name/wp-login.php it didn’t work anymore.

Some things you found out and compiled in this article are really hard to wrap your head around.
How did you find all this? Your article is really a treasure. 
I don’t take it as given.

I noticed your site has some issues, you might not spot yet.
For example, when I press the icon at the left bottom corner, than I might get a server error:
404 Page not found.

I’ve registered and will definitely contribute more.

Thank you very much for that.

Pay attention to the Quality of Your Answers

The first text is just using the blog of another one to increase the presence of your link.
But is it a good presence? You choose. By the quality of your answers.

This doesn’t hold any value and is just taking, you added a “Thanks” to make it appear grateful.
But because you don’t even relate it back to the text it feels like a Dead Comment.
And even worse you now use it directly to point to your link.

Now read it again:

Thanks for your awesome tip.
If you want to buy some garden furniture go here: <LINK>

How does it appear now?

It is definitely a bad comment.

But neither is it spam.
People that write like this, might not even be aware of this.
Because if you don’t know about those things you can’t change them.
Sure, because you don’t even perceive them. Right?

Are Your Comments Dead?

How can you spot if you do this yourself?
Just take the above command and put it on another blog, not really, just imagine doing this.
Could you? It still fits somehow. Because it doesn’t relate again.
It stays dead. It doesn’t really involve with the blog.

skeletons-1617539_640

Now let’s take the second text

Thanks for your awesome tip which really helped me to solve my problem.
Because when I logged in using my domain name/wp-login.php it didn’t work anymore.

With your help, I could solve my issues that have been led to a white screen of death.
By renaming the plugins via FTP I found the buggy one. 

Some things you found out and compiled in this article are really hard to wrap your head around.
How did you find all this? Your article is really a treasure. 
I don’t take it as given.

I noticed your site has some issues, you might not spot yet.
For example, when I press the icon at the left bottom corner, then I might get a server error:
404 Page not found.

I’ve registered and will definitely give more.

Thank you very much for that.

Here you tell first about why the article was helpful for you.

Thanks for your awesome tip which really helped me to solve my problem.
Because when I logged in using my domain name/wp-login.php it didn’t work anymore.

With your help, I could solve my issues that have been led to a white screen of death.
By renaming the plugins via FTP I found the buggy one.

And then you start to talk to the author of the text/blog owner:

Some things you found out and compiled in this article are really hard to wrap your head around.
How did you find all this? Your article is really a treasure. 
I don’t take it as given.

It is not really deep but I start a dialogue. So it’s no more two monologs competing with each other.
So I give value back. Those are the comments an author of a blog will always be happy to read.

The Missing Components are that you should try to understand the words of the other person.
How does it affect her?

attractive-woman-men-staring

You can easily judge the character of others
by how well they treat those
who do nothing to them or for them.

Malcolm Forbes

How much are you being judged by other people?
And how many time do you spend doing this yourself?
Are you guilty of judging? Ever done that?
Of course, you did. Gossipping and judging are things we do all the time.
We judge how other’s walk, how they talk, what they do and what they don’t do or their appearance.
Basically everything.

Just imagine you want to go home from work and you’re riding your car.
Suddenly a car rushes by pretty carelessly.
And you think

“That stupid asshole. Can’t he drive even faster? Gosh! What an idiot.”

You’re judging. And you’re very emotional at the same time.

But let’s change perspective. Let’s say suddenly you’re the driver in that car.
You’re in the “asshole´s” shoes now.
And suddenly you become aware that you are a family father rushing home because your kid is almost about to die
and you just want to be at the hospital at soon as possible.
Would you still be angry? Would you still be judging? Of course not.
You want your kid to survive and bring it as fast as possible and still safe to the hospital.
So the people there can take care.

We all judge and we all don’t always put ourselves into the other person’s shoes.
It is a long way to completely remove judging from your daily habits.
The happier you become the less you will judge others.

No matter which gender you are. You have been judging others. This is a bold statement and also true.
And after doing that sometimes you definitely wish you’d left it out.
Often we don’t even think about what we’re doing. It became an unconscious habit.
Almost like a little nasty virus or parasite.

How do you feel after you’ve been heavily judging? I bet not that good.

 

It’s not what you look at that matters.
It’s what you see.

Henry David Thoreau

 

“If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.”
Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

So why do I do it? Right now I think it’s become a habit. What else does judging you? If you’re not being the one that is judged right now?
It creates a feeling of togetherness. Because it unites. You – the group or couple – against the rest of the world.
What a feeling.

BUT: Did you ever think about the effect it has on other people? How does it affect the others around you?

I tell you, frankly it hurts. No one wants to hear that he’s ugly or needs a makeover or can’t even talk properly.
And suddenly you might feel like a little angry child that doesn’t know how to handle his emotions.
This means: Let’s get rid of that. NO JUDGING ANYMORE.

No, you can’t just stop now. The parasite of judging still resides in you.

But how do you get rid of this judging habit? You have to change.
Because I noticed: I regret judging every time and I just want to be free and a happy person.
And judging does NOT raise my mood. Never ever. I have to change. No one else can do this for me.
If you go into the studio to train my biceps, I am sure: Only your biceps will grow. Not mine.
Even if you want to, it will never work. I have to change. You have to change if you want to change the perspective of your life too.
Just do it. Start now.

And no. It’s not easy and you will need to commit, devotion and

The reasons why we have developed judging others are miscellaneous.

Here are just 4 Reasons Why We Judge

  • We are insecure or envy someone.  This is the main reason we judge. When we are insecure and/or unhappy with who we are, we try to put other people down. Though it doesn’t usually build us up when we put others down, we do it anyway. We want to feel good by making others feel bad.
  • We are in our head and scared. Often, when we’re scared or put others on a pedestal, we’ll put them down. I also know this from my sisters and I did too because I learned from them. “Watch her, oh my gosh. She needs to change. Someone should dress her up.” to feel better by putting others down. We also may fear those who are different from us and may judge them just because they are unlike us.
  • We are lonely. As I mentioned before, there is a bonding element that goes along with judging others. When you are lonely, you might use judgments to bond with other people, but these bonds are based on negativity. The bonds you have based on judging others are superficial and are not likely to contain the true substance.
  • We are unsatisfied. When we’d love to see our lives completely different like it is right now, we will hight and hurt others for sure. Because we don’t need to feel so bad then. For example, if someone wants to be with a potential wife you might bring up some rumors that this couple can never be a good match. “He should find another one. It will never work.” If we are jealous of others’ changing lives we are likely to make quick judgments.

This is basically a bad behavior. Social condition won’t condemn it.
And so have to search for the path to get rid of all those social conditions parasites that reside within,
to cut through the clutter and finally stand out, in a humble way.

And I am sure you will feel the connection deepening when talking to others.

Because know you know a little more about speaking other languages.
But especially you DO know now, how to speak

 

Empathy

~Holger

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Globe

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