Tell me, in your business is there space for emotions?


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Are You Tired and Scared?

emotions-girl

Everyone is tired and scared.
Correct me if you think you’re not.

Just Imagine this Scary Situation at Work

Do you know this situation:

You are at work and something new is explained to you.
You think you got it. But then is the time when you have to do it for the first time on your own.
Everyone will accept that it’s not perfect the first time. Good.

The 3 Times Trap

But, what if you can’t still get your task completed after the fourth try and you know you would have to ask a fourth time again?
You might be really crestfallen. And don’t want to take it anymore. It’s over.
You might even get fired for that.

And: Maybe when you’ve had tried for the 20th time you might have to get the hang of it even better than anyone else.

This is different when you build your own company.
You might fail many times until you get it to run. Maybe you need to try some things 100 times. With slight changes every time.
But this isn’t acceptable in business anymore.

Resistance against your Values

If the job you’re working in is not your absolute dream job you might be scared and tired when you go to work.
And you feel a lot of resistance inside. And you almost can’t wait for Friday afternoon. Right?
Gosh, sometimes I really hate that, too.

Why do you feel that resistance? Because your value system is not the same. Your values don’t match the values of the company.
When you make the effort to find your values  in your job, you can make it more comfortable for yourself.

In business, we separate emotions from our daily work. We have to be professional, rational. Emotions have no space in this environment.
It’s like emotions would be something intoxicating.

The infographic below shows what we came up with:

text-emotion-separate
Everyone speaks and feels, but the emotions are locked out.
At least they try to.
Like we don’t possess them. But that’s not true. And so we kinda suppress them at work.
This creates resistance and makes us mad or tired.

And what would happen if you ask your chief for the 5th time:

“Erm, can you explain that to me again? I still didn’t get it.”

This is what you say, but you might feel:

Punished, mad, bad, unhappy, tired, rigid, stiff, frozen to a certain degree. Right?

Below you can see a picture that speaks truth. At least much more than the last pic.
It’s like we stack it up. Emotions are transferred with the text.
It’s like the text is the vehicle for the emotions.

Do you want to see if that’s true? Ok. Let’s come up with an example. Just say

text-modulating-emotion

But the truth is different in reality those are not separate.
They are linked. No matter how we consider it to be.

colored-circles

Business and Emotion are not separate entities
because we’re still human

It’s linked. It’s intersecting. We can’t just be professional and suppress our emotions because they are still there.

I had an interesting talk with a colleague from work here who’s quite socially savvy as well.
Which doesn’t happen much that such persons stumble upon each other.
And so we started to talk.
Me: You’d like to join me for lunch today?
Him: Sure. Let’s go. We get Wiender Schnitzel.With fries.
Me: Me gusta. Me encanta. (I like that. That’s very good, sometimes I just talk some words in Spanish because I love the language).
Why didn’t they have it here before? Gosh! I crave it. Haha
If I remember back at former workplaces there were several were people that were professional all the time.
And then suddenly what happened? One CEO kicked with his feet against my desktop just one day before Christmas screaming at me at the top of his lungs.
His anger wasn’t directed at me, like many times more to himself. But he failed to reflect on that and admit it.
Instead, he kicked my desk. Everything fell over. The computer, the screen, everything.
I just screamed back and slammed the door:
“Calm the f*** down I am not responsible for YOUR mistakes. Be normal. Hush. I will be leaving now. Bye!”
What had happened? We couldn’t deliver in time (he believed that it was only real in his head) so he got upset.
Because he forgot to tell a final date for a software to deliver. Normally I would have had almost 4 months to do this.
I saw in the plan later. Only one week was left. Because I am at times very resourceful I found a solution that worked out even quicker.
I did it in less than 3 days.
This reminds me of a little dialogue in star trek which went something like this:
Kirk: “Scotty we need to repair the ion thruster. Fast”
Scotty: “Ok, Captain. I need one week.”
Kirk: “You got two days.”
Now he seems suddenly to be very motivated and tells:
Scotty: “Ok! I will be done tomorrow!”

Sharpen your Senses

Just pay attention and watch the communication of your team members in your business closely.
Don’t pay so much attention to the words this time. Pay attention to the vibe. And to the emotions.
You will see which channels you have been missing. One of them are emotions for sure.
Pay attention to the coding and encoding of the different people, you might also say how they translate heard words.
There can be communications problems because people are at different levels.
You might also consider the four sides model:
660px-four-sides-model_en-svg

Example

Two people are eating a home-cooked meal together.

The one who didn’t cook says:

“There is something green in the soup.”

Sender
Matter layer: There is something green.
Self-revealing layer: I don’t know what it is.
Relationship layer: You should know what it is.
Appeal layer: Tell me what it is!
Receiver
Matter layer: There is something green.
Self-revealing layer: You do not know what the green item is, and that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Relationship layer: You think my cooking is questionable.
Appeal layer: I should only cook what you know in the future!

The other answers:

“If you don’t like the taste, you can cook it yourself.”

Which just might not be considered, this is why I won’t explain it further here, but I mention it to show what’s missing if we cut off the emotional channel.

From NLP

And what we might learn from NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) as well if someone is one of those types or a combination of several:

Visual

picture
flash
bright
sharp
clear
see
light
dark
large
blue

Auditory

scream
shout
listen
tone
whisper
ring
utter
nasal
squeal
quiet

Kinesthetic

feel
warm
grasp
sharp
peaceful
cold
rugged
joyful
fuzzy
hard

Olfactory

pungent
fragrant
sweet
dank
rich aroma
stinky
musty
rotten
odor
essence

Gustatory

sweet
sour
salty
bitter
fresh
juicy
bland
burnt
zesty
tangy

Just try these things below to see what’s been missing when the emotional channel has been cut off:

Visual

To evoke visual imagery, visualize the following:

  • A shape: circle, triangle, square
  • An oak tree
  • A rose
  • A sailing boat
  • A button
  • A computer

Auditory

To evoke auditory imagery, imagine the following:

  • The wind blowing through the trees
  • The ring on your telephone
  • The sound of your computer keyboard
  • Scales played on a guitar
  • Water lapping on a lake shore

Olfactory

To evoke olfactory imagery, conjure up the following smells:

  • Petrol fumes
  • Newly baked bread
  • Chlorine
  • New mown grass
  • Freshly brewed coffee

Gustatory (taste)

To evoke gustatory imagery, imagine the taste of:

  • Sugar
  • Bananas
  • Salt
  • Lemon
  • Toothpaste

Kinesthetic

Kinesthetic imagery can be further divided into:

  • the sense of touch
  • temperature
  • movement
  • and feelings.

Touch – imagine the feelings of:

Standing barefoot on a sandy beach

  • Running your fingertips on satin fabric
  • Holding a smooth pebble

Temperature:

  • Sunlight falling on your arm
  • Holding an ice cube
  • Stepping into a warm bath

Movement – feel engaged in an activit:

  • Swimming
  • Running on grass
  • Throwing a ball

Feelings – what does it feel like in your body to be:

  • Peaceful
  • Angry
  • Sad
  • Calm
  • Happy

Emotions

In business, we try to cut them off. Like they are not existing. Is this real? Is this good? Does this help?
I say it doesn’t at all.
This will often mislead communications. And the said text is not transferred correctly to everyone.
My colleague stated something that really hit me. I felt a rush of adrenaline and an emotional eruption in my body like a little volcano:
“You know, Holger, everyone here is tired and scared.”
What if you like to ask something for the 5th time because you didn’t get it?
You’re a big fail.
Yes, I told about that above, but what I wasn’t aware so much that I filtered all the emotions as well.
Channel cut off. No emotions. I was a little bit shocked.

Document

I had watched some video of Gary Vaynerchuk today where he said:
“Don’t create. Document.”
Why? Because creating means always thinking about you wanna create. Which isn’t necessarily bad. But then you have to think about what content you wanna create all the time. Right?
If you instead just document you can write about your struggles and everything you’ve tried until now. So you don’t have to rush so much. You can just write about what happened.
This is why I give that a try this time with this blog post.
This is why it might not be so well organized.
Maybe even a little bit chaotic.
Now you can imagine if we cut all that off why we got so many communication problems in business.
Because we’re only moving inside the business bubble. But the emotional bubble isn’t penetrated at all.
Que pena.
And my buddy told me as well that sometimes it is exhausting listening because those issues are like viciously rubbed in one’s face when you recognize them.
I agreed. Yeah, it’s really like this. Because people are not really collaborating. They’re competing.

Watch the Nuances at Play

You will notice a lot of different nuances then:
  • Who’s just collaborating (even if emotional: sharing frame)
  • Who wants to just suppress the other ones to win.
  • And who sees themselves as threatened, molested or attacked.
Do you know what I mean?
My colleague added:
“The most exciting thing of this all is, if you know how people are communicating, you can easily communicate with them.
And everyone asks themselves why you can handly anyone but others are arguing all the time.”
I told him that I found another way to access this potential that relates to the four-sides-model.
1. Wrong Mindset – pushing then to do something
2. It feels strange and this is why…
3. Uncalibrated rushing
4. Intimacy
5. Friendzone
6. Vague Statements
7. Snatching the Theme
8. Superficial Connection
9. Rejection
10. Judging their beliefs
11. Wrong Mentality – Perception
12. Feigning Interest
13. Repeating everything they say
14. Wrong energy or velocity
15. Emotional Dead End
16. Wrong Tonality – Story Telling
17. Interrupting their thoughts
18. Superficial Commonalities
19. Connecting incorrectly
20. Interview with pressure!
21. Qualification – Take away the opportunities to qualify
22. Distinguishing the little Flame
23. Telling then you didn’t think that you got that right
24. Sticky
25. Yeah yeah I know, but I just forgot how to explain that at the moment
26. Hmm… Mexico or Brazil or, no, but Maldives or…. wandering thoughts!
27. Facts
28. „Close the gap“
(source: Deep-Trust)
Those are some points that are often hurt in a conversation or not taken care enough.
And so these behaviors literally can kill a talk.
It is not important to compete amongst people in a team. It’s a different thing to compete with another company. That might be very important.
But if there are tensions in a team it’s not really a team.
And many people are not aware that they are judging the beliefs of their colleagues.
Which might be a major conversation killer and no one is really aware of.
Just that the communication was slightly off.
If you judge believes of another person this person might feel:
  • rejected
  • misunderstood
  • not heard
  • treated badly
  • judged
  • disrespected

And so the talking at that level has been already killed and your conversation partner might never go back to that level with you. Because you didn’t understand.

And if this doesn’t happen they might snatch the topic. Like you tell what you want to do and talk about your experiences. Suddenly they talk about their experiences.
But no one tries to penetrate the other person’s reality. They focus only on themselves. Not good.

Unite Emotion and Business – Let Business Meet Emotion

As long as Emotion and Business are separated communication can’t really improve. Only in very limited terms.
Because:
The whole being more than the sum of its parts.
So if you’re about creating your own business consider this issues we’ve discussed in this text.
Have a nice week. 🙂
~Holger
P.S.:
Here you can see the things being talked about in this article again,
I’ve summarized them for you in a small infographic:

___
Globe

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